Bonjour c'est pour mon oral de Bac en anglais sur le thème mythes et héros. Voici ma dissert j'aimerais des avis. N'hésitez pas :)

I will talk about the subject myth and heroes. At first don't confuse a myth and a hero. A myth can be defined as a story about gods or heroes, it can be a popular belief or a tradition or a false notion. A hero can be a mythological figure, a person who is admired for his courage or his outstanding achievement.
Is the American dream a myth or a reality? To answer this question we will see the different myth concerning the American dream and if this notion is really true.

The American dream means that all people living in the united states can, by his work, his courage, and his determination, be successful even started with nothing. However, the election of Barack Obama is linked to this notion, since he said during his campaign that he wanted to "keep the American dream alive ". This possibility should be available to all Americans, so all immigrants because, except the American Indians who nowadays represents the minority of American population, the USA is a nation of immigrants as it says in the document "a nation of immigrants". Since obama's father is Kenyan, Obama certifies that the American dream is not reserved for immigrants from Europe, but those drone Africa can also access.
Oprah Winfrey is a pure incarnation of the American dream because, started with nothing, she became one of the most influential woman of the country, like we saw in class in the document " a successful woman ".
Bill Gates is also a myth of the American dream. He started not with nothing but he stopped school and nobody known that he bbecame one of the richest in the world.
Michael Jackson also embodies this dream. He was Tyne first afro american who has his video clip passed on the music channel MTV.
That's some myth of the American dream but is this dream really true?

Indeed the reality is quite different sometimes. This dream is an illusion fort some people. It opens our eyes to the economic crisis and the unemployment. The American dream is one of the biggest reason for which people migrate to USA, but at first we need the green card for enter in America, and it's not so simple to get the green card. There is also a lot of concurrence since everyone want to go to USA to realize this dream. So most of people don't succeed very well. Actually all American are not rich. More than half American population earn less than 19 thousands euro every year.

To conclude Americans don't hide the past successes of the American dream, but they agree to say that today it's almost impossible. But, the United States remains an attractive country. Even today, many people dream to visiting this country for their cultures, their food or for the most adventurous try to achieve the American dream. For me this is just a dream because it's to difficult to realize it.

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c'est super, tout est bien détaille et on voit bien qu'il y a de la recherche et du travaille ! :)
merciiiii :D

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2014-05-08T16:25:01+02:00

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Bonne dissertation mais avec quelques maladresses (dans l'ensemble c'est vraiment très bien). En gras je te mets mes suggestions.

1) "At first don't confuse a myth and a hero"
"don't confuse" sonne impérative, comme un ordre. Il est préférable d'utiliser la forme "On ne doit pas confondre" traduite par "One ought not to confuse".
Le verbe modal "ought (not) to" est utilisé pour donner un conseil ou corriger une opinion ou action. One désigne "on" qu

==> At first, one ought not to confuse a myth and a hero

2) "The American dream means that all people living in the united states can, by his work, his courage, and his determination, be successful even started with nothing".
Pour exprimer "il peut, par son travail, son courage et sa détermination réussir .." il est préférable d'utiliser les prépositions "through" ou "thanks to"/"because. Par ailleurs, tu dois mettre le complément  après "be successful.
Commencer à partir de rien est traduit par "to start from scratch"

==> The American dream means that everyone living in the United States can be successful thanks to his effort, his courage or his determination even if he starts from scratch

3)
However, the election of Barack Obama is linked to this notion....
Pourquoi "However"? Cela veut dire "cependant" et ça n'a pas de sens dans ta phrase. Tu devrais plutôt dire "For instance" (Par exemple) car tu prends un exemple qui confirme ce que tu as dit avant.

4)
"This possibility should be available to all Americans.."
Traduction : "cette possibilité devrait être disponible pour tous les Américains" ce qui n'a pas trop de sens. Une possibilité n'est pas disponible elle est effective (effective) ou réelle (actual)

5) "but those drone Africa can also access."
traduction : mais ces drones (pourquoi drones?) Afrique peuvent aussi accéder (à quoi? il faut préciser) ==> "but immigrants from African should also be able to access it.

6)
"The American dream is one of the biggest reason for which people migrate to USA"
==> The American dream is one of the main reason why people immigrate to the USA

7)
"There is also a lot of concurrence since everyone want to go to USA
==>There also is a lot of competition (concurrence n'existe pas en anglais) since everyone wants (n'oublie pas le s)

8)"More than half American population earn less than 19 thousands euro every year"
==> 19 thousand euro a year (or per year)

9) many people dream to visiting this country for their cultures
==> many people dream of visiting this country for its culture

10) just a dream because it's to difficult to realize it.
==>it's too difficult