Mme Haddon, la conseillère d'orientation, a demandé à Paul de rédiger un texte sur son premier jour de travail, le voici, mais il n'est pas très bon, peux tu le réécrire en

-articulant le texte avec des marqueurs de temps (comme first, then, after that, finalty...)

- en évitant les répétitions inutiles(en utilisant lespronpms sujets, les pronoms relatifs who et where par exemple)

- en l'enrichissant(avec des adjectifs, adverbe, un adjectif au comparatif d'égalité et de la modification d'un verbe.

I ran to the city club and arrived at 9am.

I met John. John is the director of the club.

I went to the Fitness center. I worked in the Fitness center.

At 12 am. I talked with Peter. Peter is the other coordinator.

We had a cup of coffee, a salad and a piece of cake at the club cafeteria. That was nice !

At 1 pm. I met the junior football team in the football field. We trained in the field for two hours.

I had a shower and went home.

Je vous remercie pour votre aide.

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2014-01-21T11:14:12+01:00
I ran to the city club and arrived at 9am. First of all, I met John. he's the director of the club. then I went to the Fitness center which I worked in . At 12 am. I talked with Peter. he's the other coordinator.Then we had a cup of coffee, a salad and a piece of cake at the club cafeteria. That was nice ! At 1 pm. I met the junior football team in the football field. We trained in the field for two hours. Finally, I had a shower and went home.