Salut tout le monde, je passe bientôt l'expression oral d'anglais, et j'aurais besoin de vous pour corriger mon texte, merci d'avance de votre aide :

I am going
to talk about the notion of myths and heroes. First of all, I’m going to give the definition of a myth and a hero. A myth is a traditional story related to a country’s culture and history. A hero is someone who inspires people thanks to his noble qualities. I would like to illustrate this notion through the Nelson Mandela’s life. Nelson Mandela was one of the historic leaders of the fight against the blacks’ discrimination and was the first black president of South Africa. To what extent can Nelson Mandela be considered a hero for South Africa ? To begin with, I’m going to make a brief reminder of the historical context, then I will describe the struggle of Nelson Mandela, and finally we will see how he has marked the history by his pacifist action.

Nelson Mandela was born in 1918 in South Africa. At this moment, this country was part of the British Empire and was ruled by the white government. This government had created a political and social system where only whites had political rights. In 1948, the right-wing National Party came to power and set up the separation between blacks and whites “legal”. This separation is called the “apartheid”. In the same token, we have studied the text “A divided Country” which deals with the political and social situation of the South Africa in which evolves Nelson Mandela. Firstly, the author shows how blacks have gradually lost all their rights in relation to whites. But he especially highlights the fact that Nelson Mandela wanted to change the situation.


Moreover, we have studied the text “Nelson Mandela : a biography” which retraces the life of Nelson Mandela. We learn that the latter has became( ou become ?) lawyer at a time where blacks had a little access to education. He joined politics early and he has never stopped his fight against the apartheid. He quickly became the enemy of the government, thus he spent 27 years in prison, but he never betrayed his ideal even when the white government offered him to negotiate his freedom. Therefore, he’s an icon for generation of black South Africans.

Finally, we have seen the text ”South Africa – from past to present” which illustrates his pacifist action. It shows that despite he turned to more violent acts at a certain period of his political commitment, he always believed that the non-violence was the appropriate answer to discrimination. On the other hand, the author depicts Nelson Mandela as a wise man with a great moral strength. Indeed, he was able, after 27 years in detention, not only to forgive his oppressors, but also to negotiate peace and equal share of power with them. In recognition for his involvement, he received the Nobel Peace Prize in 1993 along with Frederik de Klerk.

In a nutshell, it seems to me that Nelson Mandela is a hero for South Africa as despite all difficulties he went through, he managed to reach his goal to bring peace in South Africa.

1

Réponses

Meilleure réponse !
2014-05-02T15:19:19+02:00
Ca à l'air pas mal du tout.

Par contre les deux premières phrases sont inutiles, l'examinateur le sait et l'entend à chaque passage, c'est le genre de truc qui l'aggace facilement. Commence plutôt directement par "A myth is a..."

- "I would like to illustrate this notion through   Nelson Mandela’s life", pas de the à un indénombrable tel que life, même la life de Mandela...

Ta problématique est très bien et ton plan également, parfaitement dans le sujet et très intéressant !

- "
This separation was called the “apartheid”", ce n'est pas vraiment incorrect mais comme on est dans le passé et que cela n'existe plus réellement aujourd'hui, ou du moins plus sous cette forme, il vaudrait mieux utiliser le passé.
- à plusieurs reprises : surtout ne pas dire "blacks" ou "whites", c'est très péjoratifs et incorrect ! On dira "Black-skin peoples" ou "white-skin peoples"
- "
a biography” which tell us about Nelson Mandela's life". "to retrace" n'existe pas, mieux vaut dire qu'il nous parle de, et la tournure "the life of..." est trop lourde et plus vraiment utilisée.
- "this latter became", jusqu'à preuve du contraire, il est mort, donc pas d'incidence sur le présent... d'ailleurs tu te corriges toi-même 2 phrases après.
- "To put it in a nutshell"

Mis à part ces quelques fautes pour la plupart légères, ton exposé est très bien, avec du vocabulaire riche etc...
Mais n'oublie pas que tu n'aura pas ton texte sous les yeux le jour de l'examen, il faudra savoir le redire si jamais tu tombes sur cette problématique.