Bonjour, je vais bientôt passer mon oral blanc d'Anglais, je n'ai pas un très bon niveau donc je vous demande juste un peu d'aide concernant la grammaire, orthographe, syntaxe et aspect général du texte :
















How can
myths and heroes can influence people lives ?





A myth can be defined as
a traditional story about gods or heroes, it can be a popular belief or a
tradition. A myth. Can also explain a natural or a social phenomenon.


A hero can be a
mythological figure, a person who is admired for his achievements or his courage, a superhero or maybe an icon.









To illustrate the notion of
Myths and heroes, I’m going to talk about two differents characters considered
as heroes : Steve Jobs and Cathy Freeman.

Steve Jobs was an orphan and he was adopted by a
lower middle class family. At the
beginning, he built a computer in his garage. Today, in spite of he died, he
got to the top by creating the firm Apple which is the most powerful one in the
world. This fact is intrusting because it shows that everybody have the
capacity to do something so that we are all able to make our dreams come true.






At the other side, Cathy
Freeman is an athlete who is a symbol in Australia. Indeed, Freeman's grandmother was part of the "stolen
generation" of Aboriginal people in Australia. From the early 20th century
until the 1970s, many Aboriginal children were taken from their parents to be
raised in state-run institutions. When she was young, she was gifted, she ran
very fast so she started the competition. Today, she won the Olympics games in
Sydney, she ran with the Australian’s and the Aboriginal’s flag. Indeed, that
symbolizes the union between aboriginal and aboriginal people.







To conclude, the story was marked by differents people
like them. They show that worlwide, everybody can become an hero. So I think
that because of what they did, they influence our lives and can help people
feel better.

1

Réponses

2014-01-06T22:43:27+01:00
Je ne trouve rien a redire tout semble vraiment parfait, l'orthographe et la synatxe mon l'air parfaite peut etre pourrait tu essayer d'étirer légèrement ton argumentation qui me parait un peu courte et au lieu de dire "to conclude" tu devrais plutôt dire "as a conclusion" ca passe mieux auprès des profs ;) sinon je trouve ca vraiment pas mal !!
Merci beaucoup, je tiendrai compte de tes conseils pour améliorer mon développement !
je trouve ça bien aussi à part peut-être qq fautes de syntaxe (à vérifier): people'life(to live : vivre life:vie; It can also explain...In spite of his death..This fact is interesting.;to do something and that we are. ON the other side; Between australian people and arboriginal's native(?je suppose que c'est ce que tu voulais dire); different (sans s) people; can help people TO feel better. J' espère que je te fais pas faire de bêtises.Bonne chance